(5:58 PM) Kevin: GET FUCKED BY A FIST
(5:59 PM) Kevin: Get pimp slapped by a child in a wheelchair
(5:59 PM) Ron: that's hilarious
(6:00 PM) Kevin: Its something you need to do in order to get your life together
(6:00 PM) Ron: prob the funniest thing you've ever said
(6:00 PM) Ron: in a long line of unfunny shit
(6:00 PM) Kevin: I am a fecund torrent of pure hilarity
(6:00 PM) Kevin: So you need to get back, honky cat
(6:01 PM) Ron: I'm leaving
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Valentine's Day
(5:34 PM) Ron: 
(5:35 PM) Kevin: I hate you so much
(5:35 PM) Ron: that photo is getting you back for whatever you've done or will do to me
(5:35 PM) Kevin: You know, so much went into getting that picture to us
(5:35 PM) Kevin: they had to do a photo shoot
(5:35 PM) Kevin: they hired models and photographers
(5:35 PM) Kevin: they had props
(5:36 PM) Kevin: they must have clicked off hundreds of images
(5:36 PM) Kevin: they had to touch it up to make sure the models looked "good"
(5:36 PM) Kevin: a photo editor had to approve it.
(5:36 PM) Kevin: and it's fucking HORRIBLE
(5:36 PM) Kevin: it's like the worst thing I've ever seen
(5:36 PM) Kevin: how could the world have done this to me
(5:36 PM) Ron: wrong
(5:37 PM) Ron: Valentine's Day Dos and Don'ts
(5:37 PM) Ron: being a woman is totally insane
(5:37 PM) Ron: all those magazines
(5:37 PM) Ron: list after list of bullshit, "What Dudes think about Pubic Hair"
(5:38 PM) Kevin: I love it
(5:39 PM) Kevin: I wish someone would shave some directly into my mouth
(5:39 PM) Ron: - Kevin, New York, NY
(5:39 PM) Kevin: Fucked up
(5:39 PM) Kevin: You ID'd me
(5:35 PM) Kevin: I hate you so much
(5:35 PM) Ron: that photo is getting you back for whatever you've done or will do to me
(5:35 PM) Kevin: You know, so much went into getting that picture to us
(5:35 PM) Kevin: they had to do a photo shoot
(5:35 PM) Kevin: they hired models and photographers
(5:35 PM) Kevin: they had props
(5:36 PM) Kevin: they must have clicked off hundreds of images
(5:36 PM) Kevin: they had to touch it up to make sure the models looked "good"
(5:36 PM) Kevin: a photo editor had to approve it.
(5:36 PM) Kevin: and it's fucking HORRIBLE
(5:36 PM) Kevin: it's like the worst thing I've ever seen
(5:36 PM) Kevin: how could the world have done this to me
(5:36 PM) Ron: wrong
(5:37 PM) Ron: Valentine's Day Dos and Don'ts
(5:37 PM) Ron: being a woman is totally insane
(5:37 PM) Ron: all those magazines
(5:37 PM) Ron: list after list of bullshit, "What Dudes think about Pubic Hair"
(5:38 PM) Kevin: I love it
(5:39 PM) Kevin: I wish someone would shave some directly into my mouth
(5:39 PM) Ron: - Kevin, New York, NY
(5:39 PM) Kevin: Fucked up
(5:39 PM) Kevin: You ID'd me
Coughing Fits/Naming Kids
(12:22 PM) Ron: my roommate has guests - they are staying in his room and he is crashing in our spare room
(12:22 PM) Kevin: that kinda shit makes me stressed, I know where yr at.
(12:23 PM) Kevin: It's made mrore difficult by the fact that you guys are not close pals
(12:23 PM) Ron: the dude woke up this morning, went into the bathroom and dropped like 4 tremendously loud farts
(12:23 PM) Ron: and then was coughing crazy loud
(12:23 PM) Ron: blowing his nose like it was the end of the world
(12:23 PM) Kevin: I know that at the end of the world, I will be
blowing my nose, HARD
(12:23 PM) Ron: basically dude was dying from dysentery
(12:24 PM) Kevin: Man, that
(12:24 PM) Kevin: is
(12:24 PM) Kevin: deep
(12:24 PM) Ron: I was totally wondering what it would be like to start your day like that every day
(12:24 PM) Ron: he had just lost a battle with life
(12:24 PM) Kevin: Oh man, I used to have a roommate named Eugene Klingenburger
(12:24 PM) Ron: hate him already
(12:24 PM) Kevin: and he would make this hacking sound in the morning that was so fucking bad.
(12:24 PM) Kevin: I one day I like couldn't take it anymore so I started yelling at him.
(12:25 PM) Kevin: he comes stomping out of the bathroom, and he goes "DUDE, I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO BREATHE IF I DO NOT CLEAR MY THROAT OUT. DO YOU WANT ME TO CHOKE ON MY OWN PHLEGM AND DIE"
(12:26 PM) Ron: I imagine you said "yes"
(12:26 PM) Ron: b/c that's how I would have felt
(12:26 PM) Kevin: I said "If that's what it takes to keep that from happening"
(12:26 PM) Ron: classic
(12:26 PM) Ron: antagonism from 17 yos
(12:26 PM) Kevin: His middle name was Jupiter
(12:26 PM) Ron: fuck parents
(12:26 PM) Ron: they have no clue
(12:27 PM) Ron: they are like, "My child is named Brooklyn Wildflower Troublestep Jones"
(12:27 PM) Kevin: That's an amazing name
(12:27 PM) Kevin: Troublestep
(12:27 PM) Ron: seriously parents need to chill the fuck out with getting creative with names
(12:27 PM) Ron: go classic
(12:27 PM) Kevin: Naming my kid Triple Check Flip Johnson
(12:28 PM) Ron: Dumbie Whinerstern Blackman Jappy
(12:28 PM) Ron: the kid has to live with the crazy name
(12:28 PM) Kevin: Regicide Dumbledore Thelonious Fisk
(12:29 PM) Ron: Flower Crack Pavement Break Sunshine Twat
(12:30 PM) Kevin: Twat
(12:30 PM) Kevin: Slipmat Banana Corporeal Helmet Cline
(12:22 PM) Kevin: that kinda shit makes me stressed, I know where yr at.
(12:23 PM) Kevin: It's made mrore difficult by the fact that you guys are not close pals
(12:23 PM) Ron: the dude woke up this morning, went into the bathroom and dropped like 4 tremendously loud farts
(12:23 PM) Ron: and then was coughing crazy loud
(12:23 PM) Ron: blowing his nose like it was the end of the world
(12:23 PM) Kevin: I know that at the end of the world, I will be
blowing my nose, HARD
(12:23 PM) Ron: basically dude was dying from dysentery
(12:24 PM) Kevin: Man, that
(12:24 PM) Kevin: is
(12:24 PM) Kevin: deep
(12:24 PM) Ron: I was totally wondering what it would be like to start your day like that every day
(12:24 PM) Ron: he had just lost a battle with life
(12:24 PM) Kevin: Oh man, I used to have a roommate named Eugene Klingenburger
(12:24 PM) Ron: hate him already
(12:24 PM) Kevin: and he would make this hacking sound in the morning that was so fucking bad.
(12:24 PM) Kevin: I one day I like couldn't take it anymore so I started yelling at him.
(12:25 PM) Kevin: he comes stomping out of the bathroom, and he goes "DUDE, I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO BREATHE IF I DO NOT CLEAR MY THROAT OUT. DO YOU WANT ME TO CHOKE ON MY OWN PHLEGM AND DIE"
(12:26 PM) Ron: I imagine you said "yes"
(12:26 PM) Ron: b/c that's how I would have felt
(12:26 PM) Kevin: I said "If that's what it takes to keep that from happening"
(12:26 PM) Ron: classic
(12:26 PM) Ron: antagonism from 17 yos
(12:26 PM) Kevin: His middle name was Jupiter
(12:26 PM) Ron: fuck parents
(12:26 PM) Ron: they have no clue
(12:27 PM) Ron: they are like, "My child is named Brooklyn Wildflower Troublestep Jones"
(12:27 PM) Kevin: That's an amazing name
(12:27 PM) Kevin: Troublestep
(12:27 PM) Ron: seriously parents need to chill the fuck out with getting creative with names
(12:27 PM) Ron: go classic
(12:27 PM) Kevin: Naming my kid Triple Check Flip Johnson
(12:28 PM) Ron: Dumbie Whinerstern Blackman Jappy
(12:28 PM) Ron: the kid has to live with the crazy name
(12:28 PM) Kevin: Regicide Dumbledore Thelonious Fisk
(12:29 PM) Ron: Flower Crack Pavement Break Sunshine Twat
(12:30 PM) Kevin: Twat
(12:30 PM) Kevin: Slipmat Banana Corporeal Helmet Cline
Ron is Old/Amish Abuse
(12:31 PM) Ron: god - maybe someday I'll have a kid
(12:32 PM) Kevin: Oh you will have a kid
(12:32 PM) Kevin: it will look almost exactly like me
(12:32 PM) Ron: nightmare
(12:32 PM) Kevin: You are, after all, old enough to be my dad
(12:32 PM) Ron: I had sex when I was 9
(12:32 PM) Ron: and made a baby
(12:33 PM) Ron: I'm not even 9 years older than you gramps
(12:33 PM) Kevin: Correct
(12:33 PM) Kevin: you are 49 years older
(12:33 PM) Kevin: Born in the 20's and shit
(12:33 PM) Ron: god
(12:33 PM) Kevin: How was the gilded age?
(12:33 PM) Ron: get OVER it
(12:33 PM) Kevin: Did you pop a squat on Gatsby's lap?
(12:33 PM) Ron: get a colonic and sip a rice pill
(12:34 PM) Kevin: Did you do the Charleston with Marcel Duchamp or whatever
(12:34 PM) Ron: dumbest shit
(12:34 PM) Kevin: new genre - Historical Humor
(12:34 PM) Ron: an amish dude will explore your soul tonight with a claw hammer
(12:35 PM) Kevin: The Amish dude part makes it confusing
(12:35 PM) Kevin: yet intriguing
(12:36 PM) Kevin: Gonna raise a barn on yr ass
(12:37 PM) Ron: He's on his rumspringa
(12:37 PM) Ron: and likes to see people suffer
(12:32 PM) Kevin: Oh you will have a kid
(12:32 PM) Kevin: it will look almost exactly like me
(12:32 PM) Ron: nightmare
(12:32 PM) Kevin: You are, after all, old enough to be my dad
(12:32 PM) Ron: I had sex when I was 9
(12:32 PM) Ron: and made a baby
(12:33 PM) Ron: I'm not even 9 years older than you gramps
(12:33 PM) Kevin: Correct
(12:33 PM) Kevin: you are 49 years older
(12:33 PM) Kevin: Born in the 20's and shit
(12:33 PM) Ron: god
(12:33 PM) Kevin: How was the gilded age?
(12:33 PM) Ron: get OVER it
(12:33 PM) Kevin: Did you pop a squat on Gatsby's lap?
(12:33 PM) Ron: get a colonic and sip a rice pill
(12:34 PM) Kevin: Did you do the Charleston with Marcel Duchamp or whatever
(12:34 PM) Ron: dumbest shit
(12:34 PM) Kevin: new genre - Historical Humor
(12:34 PM) Ron: an amish dude will explore your soul tonight with a claw hammer
(12:35 PM) Kevin: The Amish dude part makes it confusing
(12:35 PM) Kevin: yet intriguing
(12:36 PM) Kevin: Gonna raise a barn on yr ass
(12:37 PM) Ron: He's on his rumspringa
(12:37 PM) Ron: and likes to see people suffer
Reflections on Poop Jokes
(3:58 PM) Kevin: Updated R&K last night
(3:58 PM) Kevin: All the poop stuff from a couple days back
(3:59 PM) Ron: it is so out of control
(4:00 PM) Kevin: Janine called it "Pretty extreme"
(4:00 PM) Ron: its some deep, problematic stuff
(4:00 PM) Ron: we are getting raw
(4:02 PM) Ron: so out of control
(4:02 PM) Ron: I can't believe you posted that stuff
(4:02 PM) Ron: you come across as demented
(4:04 PM) Kevin: I come off as a funny dude
(4:05 PM) Ron: delusional
(3:58 PM) Kevin: All the poop stuff from a couple days back
(3:59 PM) Ron: it is so out of control
(4:00 PM) Kevin: Janine called it "Pretty extreme"
(4:00 PM) Ron: its some deep, problematic stuff
(4:00 PM) Ron: we are getting raw
(4:02 PM) Ron: so out of control
(4:02 PM) Ron: I can't believe you posted that stuff
(4:02 PM) Ron: you come across as demented
(4:04 PM) Kevin: I come off as a funny dude
(4:05 PM) Ron: delusional
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Poop Jokes 5
(11:58 AM) Kevin: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=peek_a_boo
(11:58 AM) Kevin: That's too insane
(11:59 AM) Ron: totally stupid
(12:00 PM) Ron: just added my "down" vote to it
(12:00 PM) Kevin: I think it's the best
(12:01 PM) Ron: well - that makes sense - you are always about ass raping and shit
(12:01 PM) Ron: that's your deal
(12:01 PM) Kevin: What the fuck
(12:01 PM) Kevin: I am not "all about ass raping." I think that's pretty severe
(12:01 PM) Ron: check the logs
(12:01 PM) Kevin: Is that how you'd introduce me at a party?
(12:02 PM) Ron: no. . .I would introduce you ass Kevin - and then within 15 minutes of convo - you'd say something about doo doo
(12:03 PM) Kevin: Talking about poop, which I think is hilarious and a GREAT conversation topic, as everyone, across all cultures craps at least 4 times a week, is a far fucking cry from "all about ass raping"
(12:05 PM) Kevin: (Don't make me ass rape you)
(11:58 AM) Kevin: That's too insane
(11:59 AM) Ron: totally stupid
(12:00 PM) Ron: just added my "down" vote to it
(12:00 PM) Kevin: I think it's the best
(12:01 PM) Ron: well - that makes sense - you are always about ass raping and shit
(12:01 PM) Ron: that's your deal
(12:01 PM) Kevin: What the fuck
(12:01 PM) Kevin: I am not "all about ass raping." I think that's pretty severe
(12:01 PM) Ron: check the logs
(12:01 PM) Kevin: Is that how you'd introduce me at a party?
(12:02 PM) Ron: no. . .I would introduce you ass Kevin - and then within 15 minutes of convo - you'd say something about doo doo
(12:03 PM) Kevin: Talking about poop, which I think is hilarious and a GREAT conversation topic, as everyone, across all cultures craps at least 4 times a week, is a far fucking cry from "all about ass raping"
(12:05 PM) Kevin: (Don't make me ass rape you)
Poop Jokes 4
(5:07 PM) Kevin: I want to make love to you with my poop
(5:07 PM) Kevin: I am in the worst fucking mood
(5:08 PM) Kevin: this p0op humor is the only thing that's making it better
(5:08 PM) Kevin: I hope you can sympathize
(5:08 PM) Kevin: while I shitfuck you
(5:08 PM) Ron: I'm not sure I can sympathize but alright
(5:08 PM) Kevin: But you can empathize
(5:07 PM) Kevin: I am in the worst fucking mood
(5:08 PM) Kevin: this p0op humor is the only thing that's making it better
(5:08 PM) Kevin: I hope you can sympathize
(5:08 PM) Kevin: while I shitfuck you
(5:08 PM) Ron: I'm not sure I can sympathize but alright
(5:08 PM) Kevin: But you can empathize
Poop Jokes 3
(4:41 PM) Kevin: I was stoked yesterday when you played Joni Mithcell
(4:42 PM) Ron: yeah - I can deal with her now
(4:42 PM) Ron: I'm not emo about it
(4:42 PM) Kevin: Took a dump inside most of her orifii
(4:44 PM) Ron: wtf is wrong with you
(4:44 PM) Kevin: Fecal Freak
(4:45 PM) Kevin: Plain and Simple
(4:42 PM) Ron: yeah - I can deal with her now
(4:42 PM) Ron: I'm not emo about it
(4:42 PM) Kevin: Took a dump inside most of her orifii
(4:44 PM) Ron: wtf is wrong with you
(4:44 PM) Kevin: Fecal Freak
(4:45 PM) Kevin: Plain and Simple
Poop Jokes 2
(4:13 PM) Kevin: Is it modest mouse?
(4:13 PM) Kevin: Sounds like that Modest Mouse song
(4:13 PM) Ron: yes
(4:13 PM) Ron: it is
(4:13 PM) Kevin: Fuck M M
(4:13 PM) Ron: god get over yourself
(4:13 PM) Kevin: Gonna drape you in fine fecal garments
(4:14 PM) Ron: you are one IM from jettisoning our friendship
(4:14 PM) Kevin: You visualized me hate fucking Darnell earlier. Take a moment to prepare your dome for the dook party that's going to take place on your pate
(4:15 PM) Ron: you were the douche who suggested that you were going to hate fuck him
(4:15 PM) Ron: so get over yourself (again)
(4:15 PM) Kevin: This conversation barely coheres
(4:15 PM) Kevin: it doesn't make any sense at all
(4:15 PM) Kevin: it's just like unmitigated viciousness for no real reason
(4:15 PM) Kevin: (U gon' get shidded on)
(4:13 PM) Kevin: Sounds like that Modest Mouse song
(4:13 PM) Ron: yes
(4:13 PM) Ron: it is
(4:13 PM) Kevin: Fuck M M
(4:13 PM) Ron: god get over yourself
(4:13 PM) Kevin: Gonna drape you in fine fecal garments
(4:14 PM) Ron: you are one IM from jettisoning our friendship
(4:14 PM) Kevin: You visualized me hate fucking Darnell earlier. Take a moment to prepare your dome for the dook party that's going to take place on your pate
(4:15 PM) Ron: you were the douche who suggested that you were going to hate fuck him
(4:15 PM) Ron: so get over yourself (again)
(4:15 PM) Kevin: This conversation barely coheres
(4:15 PM) Kevin: it doesn't make any sense at all
(4:15 PM) Kevin: it's just like unmitigated viciousness for no real reason
(4:15 PM) Kevin: (U gon' get shidded on)
Poop Jokes 1
(3:58 PM) Kevin: I want to get pooped on by you
(3:58 PM) Kevin: today or tonight
(3:58 PM) Kevin: for sexual gratification
(3:58 PM) Ron: you need to hold that thought
(3:59 PM) Ron: and then bury it out back
(3:59 PM) Kevin: NoooooooooooooooOOOOOOO
(4:04 PM) Ron: how mad are you right now
(4:04 PM) Kevin: It was weird that I wanted to poop on you, and then you send me a link to something called "FECAL FACE" a minute ago
(4:04 PM) Kevin: I thought it was gonna be some deep scat shit
(4:05 PM) Ron: yeah that was weird
(4:06 PM) Kevin: I wish it were pictures of your face glazed with poo drizzle
(4:07 PM) Ron: what the fuck
(4:07 PM) Ron: deal with yourself
(4:07 PM) Kevin: Incorrect
(4:07 PM) Kevin: i will be dealing with you from now on
(4:07 PM) Kevin: Hoping you can interface with my butthole sometime soon
(4:08 PM) Ron: too weird
(4:08 PM) Kevin: Wrong again (.com)
(4:08 PM) Kevin: Absolutely appropriate given the circumstances of our relationship
(3:58 PM) Kevin: today or tonight
(3:58 PM) Kevin: for sexual gratification
(3:58 PM) Ron: you need to hold that thought
(3:59 PM) Ron: and then bury it out back
(3:59 PM) Kevin: NoooooooooooooooOOOOOOO
(4:04 PM) Ron: how mad are you right now
(4:04 PM) Kevin: It was weird that I wanted to poop on you, and then you send me a link to something called "FECAL FACE" a minute ago
(4:04 PM) Kevin: I thought it was gonna be some deep scat shit
(4:05 PM) Ron: yeah that was weird
(4:06 PM) Kevin: I wish it were pictures of your face glazed with poo drizzle
(4:07 PM) Ron: what the fuck
(4:07 PM) Ron: deal with yourself
(4:07 PM) Kevin: Incorrect
(4:07 PM) Kevin: i will be dealing with you from now on
(4:07 PM) Kevin: Hoping you can interface with my butthole sometime soon
(4:08 PM) Ron: too weird
(4:08 PM) Kevin: Wrong again (.com)
(4:08 PM) Kevin: Absolutely appropriate given the circumstances of our relationship
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